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things i didn't know were anxiety

Things I Didn’t Know Were Anxiety

Forumbaca English I knew there were somethings off going on with me when all I can feel is conscious and feeling scared of other people’s perceptions of me. It makes me wonder what did I do wrong to deserve all this feeling. The feeling of being scared, anxious, or afraid for no reason. At first, I thought this was because I’m naturally born with this personality or this feeling is a part of me. Until I knew the fact that it was part of anxiety.

Feeling unable and too afraid to speak up

I had always been afraid to speak up to the point I’m unable to. It fears me to think that everybody will go against me. It just all in my head but the words never come out of my mouth. At least not know. Since I was a freshman in college, I encourage myself to speak up even when everybody is against my idea. I’m still trying to have confidence when uttering what’s in my head and what I really feel.

Worried about every word choice I used while interacting with people.

I didn’t know this was a part of anxiety, before. I thought that it was one of my personality to be shy. I used to choose every word carefully when I’m about to speak something. I do this because I’m afraid that someone will get offended by my words. I think that to be able to choose words carefully before speaking up is not as bad as we think. However, don’t make it part of your habit to the point you choose to stay silent, and becomes hard to have a conversation with someone.

Didn’t want to come off as stupid

I act my best to not come off as a dumb person. I have this too easy-going personality and shy. People tend to neglect what I’m saying. Therefore,  used to feel self-conscious and try my best to not come off as a stupid person. However, it’s not until I knew that this was part of anxiety.

Resenting myself for not living to everyone’s standard

The feeling of being afraid to not meet other’s expectations. I have always to do this so that everyone will like me. I need to be like this so that I can meet everyone’s standards. But when things not going my way and not the way everyone wants, it fears me. In the end, I often end up blaming and resenting myself for the results.

Believing everyone was silently judging me

Once again, I concluded that it was all in my head. I make my own perception that everyone is silently judging my every move. It makes it hard to act like myself. I’m always afraid of something because I think that everyone is judging me no matter what I do. However, I have come to my sense that it was due to anxiety. Although, I’m still trying my best to live off my imagination and perception of other people had to me.

Jessica Yunanda

I'm such a look at the sky person, ISFJ

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